If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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