drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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