I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
