Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
