I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
