well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
