I think I am morally bankrupt
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I fill condoms, not promises.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
