had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't just leave with hair like that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
