I wish my penis had an off switch
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
