Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
