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remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
