im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
