Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
