Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
