dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
