Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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