Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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