Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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