Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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