There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
