Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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