I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
