what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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