____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
