i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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