help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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