youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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