I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
