ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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