last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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