All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
