hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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