i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
