it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
