And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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