What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
