hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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