My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
