You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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