he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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