Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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