Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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