just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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