Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
