youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
