I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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