I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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