I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So squirting runs in the family.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
