I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
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I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.