I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.