She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.