I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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