Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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