Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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