I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My feet surprised me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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