angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
