Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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