If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
