I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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