She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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