I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
