summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
